I really miss my children

With me counting down the days it has been 16 days since I've seen my Lailie girl and Seth, and I don't even know when they're going to come back. I was supposed to go up to San Jose to get them, but unfortunately my mom decided to have them come here with their "Uncle Jon"...I really miss them, especially because of my older post, now with just my sister who is 13 watching them, anything can happen... and before I left Lailie bumped her front tooth on Tiffany's head,. and I thought it damaged the nerve. Well , I was right, and now it's turning grey, my poor baby I can't be there to take her to the dentist. Luckily my brother is, but I feel horrible that I can't hold her hand or tell her it's gonna be okay.

"tear" I really want them to be with their grandparents, and aunts cousins and uncles up there, but I just dread the days they really need me and I can't be there, every time I talk to Lailie on the phone she sounds so sad...her words yesterday were "are you still on the plane mommy?"
It made me cry because she thinks I'm still "on my way there".. She's waiting for me, maybe to come through that door or pick me up at the airport like I promised before I left...and Seth's having a blast, but I know he misses me too because he too is counting down the days, that made me smile..But I was hoping I could go there and pick them up for a better transition, so I can ride the plane and say bye to everyone with them, I didn't get to really say goodbye last time cause I thought I was coming back.. but unfortunately too, at these heavy times in my life my mom and I are not getting along too well.
I guess when it rains it pours, to be truthful ..because I'm gone for so long every few months or so, it has really taken a toll on my marriage, we just don't know each other anymore. Our trust for each other is completely gone...and it feels like because we let "weeds" grow in our garden, metaphorically speaking for fights that we don't pull by the root and just let them go...we have a lot of gardening to do, sort of speaking, and it's a lot of labor and hard work, a lot of blood sweat and tears..... I have to make some sacrifices to be the wife I promised to be 5 years ago. So that I could get back the husband Nick promised to be that long ago. Living sort of separate lives, we are learning to start over, which means me mainly, being here more often, him putting me first before his friends and us only going places with each other....Which is the main reason my mom and I aren't talking...But hopefully no matter what we're going through right now, I hope it all irons out in the end..

Nick and I have realized some things, after getting it all out...and I'm glad to say that God gave us these trials to make us learn how to love each other more, and how to live our lives better..
Sigh, I just miss my Lailie and Seth ..... Just thinking about life turning events, make me want to savor every bit of this life God has given me to live..and I can't do it with them there and me here, But I am using this useful time to give my Iliana lots of love... and hopefully in time use this time to get to know my husband a bit more..

counting down those days!! maybe 20 more....

Greatest Commandment"Love One Another"

With a heavy heart today, my dentist, Dr. Annalee Kruyer and her husband Paul wrote to me to tell me they lost their two year old daughter Lysha today at 5:30 pm drowning while swimming with her sister.

We are regretfully mourning their loss at this time. With this and with Sherman, our good friend from church who got Nick his job, who is currently paralyzed, and our dear friend George who passed a little over a year ago...It made me realize how short life is, and that God is watching... Unfortunately God giveth and taketh away and we all have to realize that life's too short for grudges, anger, "I'll do it tomorrow's" and "may be next times"

With this said, I hope everyone out there will open their eyes to see that all we need to do is forgive and love, hold things loosely, hold on tight to faith and let go of doubts....We have to face this world with uncertainty, I know...but as life goes, you'll never know what's around the corner(Good or Bad) But even with uncertainties, all we have is knowing we lived this life right, so from today on, I pray that everyone who reads this can have a greater outlook on life, on love and on GOD.. God is real, and this world is his, it is him who decided to make this world and what happens inside it.. it is him who knows the moment we are born and the moment we leave this earth., we have to Fear God (in a good way) and know that we are here temporarily and the people that cross our paths are for a reason and things that happen are for a reason. and that our lives are for the reason that only God knows the answers to all our "why's", Like in the movie "not easily broken" (which btw every couple should watch) it says when something is made, the "thing" that is made doesn't know it's true purpose, only the manufacturer, the person who made it knows it's true intentions and purpose for making that "thing" and that's who were are, we are our manufacturer's purpose. Only God knows why he made you, all he asks is you live up to his purpose, whatever your purpose may be and what ever role you take on. Play it well......

I know my eyes are open..are yours?